If you are a new mom, this one is for you. If you are a seasoned mom, this one is for you. If you are a grandmother, this one is for you. If you are a mom that never got to hold her baby, this one is for you. If you are a mom that has outlived her kids, this one is for you. If you are an expecting mom, this one is for you. If you are a mom that adopted, this one is for you.
To the mom that is in the newborn phase…
You are doing a great job. This time is hard with sleep deprivation, anxiety that can happen from hormone imbalances, your body is healing, and you are expected to care for a completely dependent tiny human that can’t communicate in any way except through tears. It’s okay to cry with them. It’s okay to put them in a safe place and take a little break. It’s okay to feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s okay to not be a picture-perfect mom, especially if this is your first.
I highly encourage you to find a momma village. It is ideal to have one with moms in your newborn phase and moms that have older kids. I found it extremely helpful to have moms that validated my feelings because they were feeling them too, and moms that could give me perspective because they knew what life on the other side looks like. This time is so hard but also short in the grand scheme of things. As a mom that is both in the newborn phase and one that knows the other side, I see you. Try to enjoy the late nights. Cherish the total dependency. Appreciate the “getting to know you” phase. Because far too soon they are too big to lay on you all night. Give yourself grace, ask for help, and take a shower – they are magical. This too shall pass, I promise.
To the mom of a toddler that suddenly discovered their voice…
I’m praying for you. Pray for me too. In the moment it can be so hard to slow down and realize toddlers are experiencing big emotions that they have no ability to control and have no idea how to express. It also starts before they have all the words to work through them. I will never forget the “ah-ha” moment I had with our oldest daughter. I was asking her why she did something, but she had no idea what the word “why” meant or what her motivations behind those actions were. I had to teach her. It’s a humbling moment when you see just how influential you are in their lives.
You are doing a good job, Momma. Remind yourself that you want your kids to be assertive, confident adults, but you also want them to have humility, and be respectful. How do you shape them without squishing them? One day at a time. Praying for patience, praying you see them for who they are and not who they are being in that moment, praying for the words to help them find theirs, and don’t be afraid to ask for forgiveness. This mommy has had to ask for forgiveness a lot.
To the mom with multiples…
You are amazing. I look at some of my friends with 3-5 kids and they are out and about doing park play dates or rocking the grocery store, and I stand amazed, #momgoals. Again, I think a momma village is so important. I want to just surround myself with those moms that are doing such a great job with multiples, so I can learn all their tricks.
I have three kids now. So, I guess I am in this category, but I haven’t mastered the art of multiples – yet. I will, for sure, be the hot mess mom with one kid crying in the cart, one under my arm (probably screaming), and pleading with the oldest to get in the car. All the while stress sweating and trying to look like it’s fine as people stare at me in disbelief. If you haven’t gotten the hang of multiples yet, that’s okay. It will come. I believe in you and me. And life is messy, give yourself grace for the times when it’s not fine.
To the mom of a teenager…
What a special time. Your kids are more relatable and independent. They might even seem like they have it all together, maybe even more than you. Kudos and great job, Mom! Enjoy these precious few years where you get to do the finishing touches in the molding and shaping process. Don’t coast through this time. Really dig in and help them navigate the space between some freedom/responsibility and total freedom/responsibility.
Some of you are in the trenches. Sweet mother of a teenager, if a stranger has taken over your child’s body, holdfast to the person you know is still in there. They are just in the hardest phase of life (in my opinion). They feel all the things but aren’t quite mature enough to know what to do with all those feelings. Middle School and High School are like an alternate universe and your child’s reality is contained in that universe. They can’t imagine life outside of it and all of its warped social norms. Even the most beautiful, well-rounded, popular girl can fall victim to believing false truths about herself and temporarily lose sight of who she is. Even the most respectful boy can take advantage of a situation or fall victim to peer pressure. Dig into your kids’ lives. Do the “unfair”, “lame”, and “I’ll hate you forever for this” thing that you have to do to keep them safe, accountable, and whole during these fleeting few years.
Mommas, fight for your kids. They have plenty of friends, but there is only one person entrusted with the responsibility of being their mother, and that’s you. I know it’s not easy, and I dread the day I will have to hunker down in that trench. I was blessed with a mom that fought fiercely for me during my teenage years, I know the value of loving them through it without being permissive to it. Every friend I talk to that had parents that fought for them has grown up and thanked their parents for all the battles they were willing to fight. Trust your Momma Heart.
To the mom with adult children…
You did it! Fantastic job! I have a feeling that letting my kids go be all that they can be without me facilitating their choices will be hard for me. I just love them so much! I do not want one broken heart, one conflict at work, one hard lesson to ever befall them. But I know I must let them go. I must let them fail. I must let them get up and succeed on their own. Ugh, I even must let them date the wrong person. “God, prepare my heart for that day.”
If you have not, let them break up with you. My mom was so influential in my life that I would totally change course with just one remark from her. We both recognized it when she said a harmless comment about a guy I was interested in. She wasn’t intending it as a negative statement or even that I shouldn’t be interested in him, but it changed the way I felt about him. She tried from then on to be very careful with how and what she said about my life. Years later I would find the courage to break up with her.
That is just my cute way of saying we both recognized that I was an adult. I had to make mistakes and have victories that were all my own. While she will always be my mom, and all that entails, we would have to move forward with mutual respect for each other as adults. It was sad in a way but really special in a bigger way. You have fought the good fight and raised them to the best of your ability. Now you must let them fly.
To the mom stuck in comparison…
Stop it. I know it is easier said than done, but it will steal your joy. Remind yourself that God chose you to be the mother to this extremely difficult, ultimately wonderful tiny human. You are uniquely wired and uniquely gifted to love, shape, and guide the children given to you. So, stop worrying about your messy house, piles of dirty laundry, or list of things still to do. Stop comparing your friend’s Instagram posts about the fun time they had making bird feeders to your kid’s coloring book pictures. Stop worrying about how your other friend is teaching their kid sign language on the side while you are still working on the A, B, C’s. Stop comparing your success as a parent to the number of awards and accolades your kids have vs your friend’s kids. There are seasons of chaos, but then they change, and life gets into a rhythm. Your kids learn and grow at a pace that is right for them. Your kids excel in different areas and that is okay. Embrace the season you are in. Be confident in your abilities and know that you are doing your best. Your kids will remember the time you took to meet them in their world one thousand times more than all the other fluff.
To the mom with a broken heart…
I am sorry. Nothing hurts like a broken heart for your child. It’s soul-deep. The agonizing prayers that pour from a broken Mom Heart are certainly not wasted. I can hardly imagine a better representation of pure love than a mother pleading for her baby with God. I believe with everything I have that God hears you and He is holding on to you in your sobs. Praying for healing, Dear Mom.
Praying for healing for your child. Praying for them to come home. Praying for them to seek help. Praying for them to find peace. Praying for comfort for the moms that have lost a child. This day of all days can be hard. May they be walking with Jesus on this day reminiscing of what a wonderful mother you are.
To my mom…
Thank you. Thank you for always keeping who you knew I was in sight as we tackled the different growing pains together. Thank you for always letting me dream, for always supporting my aspirations, and for affirming my choices – the good ones. Thank you for teaching me to disagree with grace. Thank you for letting me go when you needed to and holding on when you needed to. Thank you for showing me what a strong woman is and what it isn’t. Thank you for being selfless, present, and available. I pray that I am half the mom you are. I love you.
To all moms…
People often refer to motherhood as a job, but that is inaccurate. It is a fundamental life change. Once you see that baby you are forever a mother. The tasks and challenges change over time. There are seasons of tears and seasons of immense joy. Nothing and no one can ever change that you are a mother. It does not have hours of operation or age of retirement. It can be exhausting, you can feel ill-equipped, and you can fail, but you cannot be fired from it. Let it shape you, sanctify you, and become part of you. You are a mom forever.
To all the people with mothers…
Hug your mother today. She’s not perfect, but she loves you. She tried her best.
If you had a less than awesome mom, try to remember that we all fall short. We all need forgiveness and grace. I’m not saying you have to let her be a part of your life if that is the healthy choice, but for your own heart, try to see her as the human she is and not the hero you wanted her to be.
If your mom was awesome, tell her. I promise she sees all her flaws and worries about how they may have impacted you. So today, take a minute to tell her what she means to you.
May you all have a blessed Mother’s Day.